original "Letter to him" 😩

On September 19, 2014, I met you. The following year we both moved back home. I met you in your home city Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I remember you picking me up from the airport. I was still in school at the time so I was “on my phone trying to complete a Blackboard assignment” but wasn’t giving you the proper attention. You pull up to your moms crib on D**** st. (After all these years still remember the street name). So fast forward I get mad walked around the neighborhood venting to my best friend at the time. We get back together , we go pick up your brother to go to work at the airport. It was your mom’s birthday or special function for your mother because you said we had to go pick her up from the hair salon but she wasn’t ready. So we go get a philly sandwich and you drop me off at the hotel. You say you have to go attend your mom’s function and you will be back. You left me for a whole night in a foreign city that I didn’t know anything about. Ignored my messages for the night. Didn’t show back up until maybe an hour or two before the game. At the game you was distant. After the game we talked discussed our love languages and you dipped. I would never have allowed you to feel that you wasn’t important enough to show you my city. My city is me like your city is YOU. But yet couldn’t get a proper introduction around your hood. So we quit talking for some months. Somehow we ended up back talking. Don’t even remember how but hey it happen. So this time your in Maple Shade, NJ. You were still in the Air Force and going to school. You were planning on moving and getting out of the Army. We discussed places. Fast forward.... I have a theory if I kiss you and I feel something it’s more than fucking. You wouldn’t kiss me. So once again we stop talking. Now you are in Atlanta GA... A place I wanted to be since high school/college days. We get back in contact. Now mind you we are in December 24, 2019. (5 years later) I wanted you. I always chose you. But yet you never picked me. I was never the one you wanted . I wanted to love the good and the bad of you. I wanted to support your wildest dreams. I wanted to build an empire with you. I wanted you to know everyday , every minute , every second that you was loved. That someone cared and wanted you. Your love language is words of affirmation and physical touch but my love language was quality time. I didn’t care what city you was in, I was willing to travel to be in it with you. I wanted to take my career with me. I wanted to be stable. We wasn’t just FUCKING. when i laid down with you , I gave you a part of me and you became a part of me. Don’t know what happened in the last six months but I can honestly say you fell off. I thought of ways I could help you but never wanted to step on your toes. You made time to come get me an hour away and take me back. We shared quality moments outside of the bedroom sharing your dreams and aspirations of wanting to be a counselor and opening up a community center for trouble kids. We talked about our families and things we had going on. You said you wanted more stability. I wanted to be that stability. I was willing to give you my last. I was willing to invest in you. I tried to invest you. I tried to show you that you was worth it. I tried to learn who you are, who you was and what you wanted to become. Every time I took a brick out oh the wall you had built up you put three more in its place. I’m not perfect but I am worth it . I am nobody cum rag. I was faithful to my illusion of being with you, building with you, loving you . You can’t build alone. It’s no fun. The journey is meant for two people. All I’m saying is I was willing to learn and be everything that i could for you. I exhausted all my options. I can’t fight in a ring alone. If you can’t fight with me to get through our demons. I’m out of the ring. I been here 5 years pleading to hear your story to know your story. To show you every scar you got is beautiful . Every pain isn’t a negative. Everything you can get through .

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