STUCK SINCE 2014

Updated: Jan 9, 2020

So its 2am right now and I'm up writing this blog. I met this guy back in 2014... Yeah this blog is about a guy I lusted over, cared about and picked over me. Have you ever been willing to give someone your last? (breathe, dollar, bite, anything) Well I was... I was willing to move to ANY location he was once I got settled in my career. I just wanted some type of stability. When I first met him when we was in the same city but after a few month I was home sick and he was PCS to the lower 48s. We wasn't in the same city anymore.( Almost 8 hours apart) The distance didn't stop this SITUATIONSHIP. I made an effort to see him monthly or at least every other month whether it was for 3 hours or a day. I made an effort. So let me tell y'all about a time I brought tickets, a flight and hotel room to go see him in his "home city".... He picks me up for the airport and gives me a car tour. He picked up some food for us but wasn't feeling it so he kept it and dropped me off at my hotel room. Told me he had other obligations and he would be back. So throughout the afternoon and night I'm steady texting him. He didn't come back until the next day around 11am. So I'm beyond pissed but I try not to let that ruin the day because I got us SIDELINES TICKETS TO AN NFL GAME. At the game I was on my phone texting my best friend and taking a few pictures of the game. My PAPA always told me never interrupt a man when their watching sports. So I didn't I tried to let him enjoy himself. We barely talk. We get back to the room. I'm like what's your problem? He goes to tell me I'm not affectionate and I don't cater to his love language (words of affirmation) . He told me I don't hug him when he sees me and I'm always on my phone. So he leaves once again. Didn't check to see if I made it to the airport or home. We stop speaking. Some months go by... still not speaking (I don't even remember how we start back speaking. The next wild shit that happen was I asked for a KISS. This man wouldn't kiss me. So we stop talking once again. So mind you we follow each other on social media. I posted I will be in the city. He commented and told me that he moved to the city. 😳 Blah Blah Blah we back talking... So in these 5 years of talking this man has never check to make sure I made it home safely... We went to the movies once and maybe dinner two or three times. Only took one photo together in the first year of this SITUATIONSHIP. He NEVER came to see me. Lately he barely picks me up or drop me off to my location. If I'm not in his city we don't talk and even if I'm in his city we only talk to get location information. He claims he cares but trying to get his life together. We make time for the things we want in life. I was never his CHOICE just his option when it was convenient for him. Friends and family told me to leave this man alone but I couldn't. I pray about him, I pray for him, dream/think about him, care for him and sometimes even tell myself I'm in love with him. Love doesn't hurt and you should love yourself more than anyone else. Its not even about the material things I invested over the years but the time, effort and energy I invested into this man. I wanted to be his number one supporter. I wanted to know his wildest dream and deepest fear. I wanted to be the one rooting for him when nobody else was there. I wanted him to know, feel and be loved. I wanted to show him it was still some good in the world. Looking for approval and changing the things this man didn't like about me and I still wasn't good enough. No matter how many times I tried to tell and show this man he was enough... (it was always a failed attempt) Sending encouraging messages just to be ignored. Inquiring about his day or how school is going to be hit with a two word message or no message at all. Love yourself before you try to love someone else. You are worth it. Don't let someone treat you like you're worthless. You deserve to be loved and is capable of being loved. Be strong. Let go. Choose you. Read next Blog Letter to him.


-Lisha


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